Captain Zest, we will trust you as our leader

I seem to be deviating from the topic at hand. For that I apologize, but if you know me - or if you desire to know me - I have a thing for the ridiculous, the zesty, and the utter-fucking outrageous. It kind of completes me. David Archuleta, you need to fire your video concept director. They are seriously causing me to question your ability to not be corny. Oy Vey.

P.S. The flower shop clerk deserves an effin' Oscar. Her "let's pretend this zesty boy isn't singing" skills are impressive. She could be Gabrielle to Rhianna's Xena: in it to win it.

The Hills. Heidi. Failure. Oh My.

I realize this has nothing to do with porn. But I just couldn't resist. I rarely comment on the various failures that popular culture affords, but this time I cannot deny my Savior. Lift Ev'ry Voice and Sing about some bullshit. What were you thinking Heidi? Why, oh why? Please, be a fence around my eyes...but mainly my ears. I recommend you stay in your realm of the vapid and ridiculous, because the world of substantive, musical genius is not for you...ever. But who am I to rag on someone's dream? I give you an A for effort. A for asinine. Peace! Don't forget to bust one.

Oh, Chelsea Lately, how I love thee.